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On the Bangalore Sugar Daddy and Indian Women Striving for Gender Equality

((with Shirin, Suba and Mansi @ Vaayu))  Girls’ night out is the BEST! We talk about work, upcoming trips, fantastic things going on in our lives …. and of course, guys!

Today I was talking to a friend of mine about the Times of India article that was published this week about Indian women and bar culture.  One of the messages was that Indian women go out to bars and clubs more and more now in order to try to snare a wealthy husband.  Basically, they said that women go to bars on the hunt.

I’m sorry… but what a load of crap.

I was born in Los Angeles so I can promise you that Indian women don’t hold a candle to the superficial, gold-diggers that we breed in California or who migrate to the state for the sunshine.  They are hunters!  I do realize that I am essentially associating myself to this but I don’t care.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have never dated anyone for money.  Power maybe, but not money, haha.  I make my own and am proud of that.  In fact, I consistently make 3x what my ex in Spain earns, so I don’t demand child support … which is my blissful way of never having to deal with him!

In California we see it all play out in bars, it’s fantastic.  The gold-diggers are looking for a ‘sugar daddy’ and those men, who are typically significantly older than the ladies, are looking for a hot girlfriend or a trophy wife.  They both know the game.  And if you look at it subjectively, it’s a win-win deal for those two.  The gold-digger is given a lifestyle that she doesn’t want to work hard enough to obtain for herself.  And the ‘sugar daddy’ has a younger, hotter girlfriend or wife than he could ever have scored if he wasn’t dripping in cash.

I am not suggesting that India doesn’t have proper gold-diggers.  Every city in every country all around the world has them.  Just like they have ‘sugar daddies’ looking for a little hot pepper any night of the week.  But here in Bangalore I haven’t personally witnessed one of these scenes playing out in front of my eyes.  At least not the way I did back in L.A.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that there are loads of girls out at bars trying to meet successful men.  Is their face-to-face approach really so different from filtering profiles on an online dating site to score a rich husband?  I have to admit that I am still surprised by the “looking for husband/wife” ads in the paper or the profiles on the arranged marriage websites here in India.  It’s the blunt messages in the ads that shock me.  Women are still primarily seeking affluent, successful men and the gentlemen are primarily seeking attractive brides.  At least that’s how the ads read!  It is soooo evident that there is much more 24/7 hunting going on in those websites than there is in any of the bars in India.  Men with money or status have their bio data there alongside that of the pretty girls who are hoping to improve their stations and lifestyle.  But that article in Times of India didn’t talk about that.

Here in Bangalore, I spend more time at Skyye Bar than any other bar combined so far and that is certainly a perfect breeding ground for the gold-digger and the ‘sugar daddy’ to meet (if you don’t know it, check out Skyye here).  I have had the opportunity on many occasions to observe groups of girls out on the town because I either arrived earlier than my friends and was alone, or while queuing at the bar to order a cosmo, etc.  And you know what?  I’ve never seen a dominatrix on the prowl so far.  You know why?  It’s because 99.9% of women go out to have fun with their friends – not to hunt a mate.

Today women have the power and equality to live their lives in a way that was reserved only for the men until recently.  It’s insane to think that they are going to use this newfound equality and freedom to simply go hunt for a rich husband.  The women I have met so far in Bangalore who I’ve clicked with and who I am becoming friends with I have met either at a bar like Skyye or Love Shack or through friends at a party.  Every single one of these women has a fabulous job, earns a great salary by Bangalore standards (Rs. 50,000 or 1 Lak per month) and I have never seen a single one of them accept an invitation for a free drink from someone they weren’t attracted to just for the sake of it – and certainly never from a sugar daddy.  They bust out their own wallets when they want something.

Look, historically women weren’t educated, weren’t allowed to have a career and were definitely expected to stay home and be a housewife.  The men were the bread winners and the ones who could have fun becoming a success doing something they loved.  So back then it made a whole lot of sense to potentially marry a sugar daddy.

But times have changed in India and so have Indian women.  Today, women are able to showcase their intellect, make their own choices in life, stand up to traditional family insistence that they marry early, experiment with fashion, build a successful career, travel and even party like rock stars if they want to!!  Bring it on, power girls!!

And gentlemen: my gentle advice is to think twice before hitting on a group of friends out on a girls’ night out.  Unless the particular woman you want to speak to has been sending you hints, batting her long eyelashes at you and smiling directly at you for a few minutes…steer clear!  You are just going to bust their groove and don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, haha.

XOXO from Bangalore

© Angela Carson and Angela’s Adventures in Bangalore blog and photos, 2011

I started Angela's Bangalore from my hotel room on the very first day I moved to India in 2011, while struck with jet lag! It was my very first blog, the country's very 1st luxury travel blog. Now I'm rocking YouTube as @WanderwithAngela, hope you'll subscribe.

This article has 14 comments

  1. kristi Owen

    excellent advice sis! women really do hate having their GNO interrupted!

    • angela_carson

      OMG Kris I had to sit and think what GNO stood for and when it hit me I felt like such a dumb blonde! haha Happy you are still reading the blog 🙂 You, Nick and I should 3 way video chat on Skype soon! Miss you guys xoxoxox

  2. Amrita

    I agree with what you have said. But next time, try not to get perturbed by anything written in the Times of India (or TOI or TOIlet Paper) :D. It’s trash !

  3. Chandra

    I love it and I am so with you! 🙂

  4. SUNIL

    THAT WAS SUCH AN EYE-OPENER,MOST PEOPLE DONT EVEN REALIZE ,THAT A GIRL NEEDS EQUAL RESPECT,SHE’S NOT A SEX OBJECT.
    BEWARE DUDE, IF THAT GUY WANTS TO GET LUCKY WITH A GAL…..DONT FORGET…HIS GIRLFRIEND IS SOMEWHERE ON THE LOOSE,SOMEWHERE ELSE…..HA HA.
    1000% AGREED, ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS STRONGER THAN STEEL….

  5. MILLENNIUM OPTIKS

    YOUR FINE OBSERVATIONS,ARE REALLY STUNNING,KEEP IT GOING

  6. Abdullah K.

    In Times of India, most of the articles are usually picked up from a western journal (usually the The Times, London) and edited to make it look Indian. Some of the pieces I read in the paper are so jarringly out-of-place, that the origins are quite obvious.
     
    Having said that, it is not like you’d be able to spot a gold digger in Bangalore the same way you’d spot one at a bar in LA. The social and cultural dynamics are quite different – an Indian woman looking for a rich man would have a style that is different from the ‘hunters’ of LA. Indians, as I have observed, tend to be more subtle, long winded and ‘polite’ in social situations as compared to Americans.

    • angela_carson

      Hey Abdulluh, thanks for commenting. Continuing with your thought on spotting the gold diggers, I also think that the stereotypical bombshell woman that would attract an American middle-aged man, would also attract the Indian men. Yet the big differenceis that the indian man could never marry that woman or have her as a girlfriend…my guess is that she would have to remain a little secret. Family members still factor so much into the marriage decision. So I guess that you are right about the difference in styles here. They would definitely have to blend in more to the natural habitat and not appear to be a hunter 🙂 –angela

  7. Abdullah K.

    You’re welcome. A rich Indian man, who lives on his own account would probably be able to marry the woman he wants, regardless of whether his parents accept that or not. However, it is unlikely that he’d opt to marry a woman he feels is there only for his money – it is not a comforting thought to a man, any more than the idea of being a sex object is to a young woman. A gold digger would be his mistress, at best. This is something common between my part of the world and India, the rich or the powerful generally don’t have the most attractive wives, but often have the most attractive mistresses. For men of these cultures, divorcing the wife who was with him during his rise to power or riches to marry a younger woman is seen as a moral failure. Having a mistress is a more socially ‘acceptable’ alternative.
     
    So Indian gold diggers are likely to play the game in a way that makes her motives a lot less obvious, if she wants to marry a wealthy man and not end up a mistress.

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