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Angela’s Guide: How to Successfully Approach a Woman

Gentlemen: approach us RIGHT or don’t approach us at all 🙂

Gentlemen of India, are you tired of striking out time and time again when you approach a woman at a bar or a party?  Well, I have a little secret to share with you: women are equally frustrated by being hit on in the most inappropriate ways!  Don’t get me wrong, I know that some of you gentlemen absolutely have James Bond style and sex appeal and know how to attract our attention with just a look and a smile.  But if that’s not you, if your success rate is less than stellar, if you aren’t a super model, if you hear “no thanks” much more than you see a bright smile light up a woman’s face…then please read on.  You might think that it takes gifts for women to notice you (like this list on ThatSweetGift.com) but that will only work on some women!

The Facts

There are no hard and fast rules to success.  Let’s get that out of the way right now.  Although the better looking you are the better your chances are – not fair, I know, but it’s the truth and that’s life.  So if you aren’t a hottie and don’t have amazing social skills and style, the task of meeting a woman is going to be an uphill climb my friends.  Then, if you add on top of that the fact that every woman is different, so you can’t use a standard ‘move’ to attract all women, things are even more complicated.

After some very funny chats and inquiries with my girlfriends – a mix of Indian and expat women – I think I have come up with a solid list of tips and tricks to help you improve your chances of SUCCESSFULLY engaging a lovely lady in something more than a simple 3 second brush off on her part!   @Ladies: please feel free to comment and add to the list!

What NOT To Do…and What To Do

Here are the major No-No’s…basically what NOT to do…then follow-up tips of suave moves to try instead!

Never interrupt Girls Night Out: There you are…you see a group of ladies smiling, giggling, toasting, maybe dancing, and genuinely having a great time.  There are no men in their group.  Not a single one of the ladies has been looking at you or flirting with you from across the room.  They are minding their own business.  They are out for a GNO – a girls’ night out – a sacred ritual by most women’s standards because today’s woman is busy and it’s hard to coordinate a night out with all the girls together.  Guys, this is NOT the time to try to bust a move on a woman unless she has been sending you the MOST OBVIOUS signals and flirting with you first.  These women are already having a super time and you really have no chance of interrupting that fun.  And to be quite honest, so you understand how we think a bit better, it’s frankly just annoying to women to be hit on when they are having fun with friends because then they have to stop to be polite to you, counting the seconds (hopefully not minutes) until you go and they can get back to their fun and GNO.  ((NOTE: if a woman is sending you very clear signals and batting her eyelashes and smiling at you, then you have the green light so get in there!  Otherwise, steer clear my friend.))

TIP…do this instead: if you absolutely feel that you must approach a woman out on a GNO who is not sending you any signals and has definitely NOT given you a green light then do something to stand out from the crowd like send a round of drinks or playfully named shots to the entire group first, telling the waiter to point you out to the special woman you want to connect to (“this is from the gentleman at the bar for you and your friends”).  That will make her feel special and include the group in a way that ensures that you are pleasantly interrupting them.  It’s a costly option but it’s the only way we could think of to make it okay for you to interfere with GNO when you weren’t invited.

Don’t be boring and obvious with your pick-up lines: Never use “So where are you from?” or “What’s your name” or “Can I buy you a drink” to capture a woman’s attention.  Women have heard those lines too many times, and they are so generic that you could be using them on any woman, anywhere.  What woman is going to feel special hearing one of those boring lines as your pickup line?

TIP…do this instead: Be original and take a woman by surprise by saying something funny, clever and engaging.  Each one of my girlfriends unanimously agreed that you will have the best chance for success if you come in with something humorous that either pokes a bit of fun at yourself or something clever about something you’ve observed…and add a twist of intellect.  Make the woman feel like you see something beyond her physical appearance and that you are making a special effort because she is special.  If you want to pay her a compliment don’t go overboard and don’t make it about how hot she is.  Compliment her shoes or some accessory instead because that will show her you were paying attention to more than just her boobs!  Above all…make her laugh!!

Don’t go where you’re not wanted or pop up out of the blue in her face: Make sure you aren’t going to scare the hell out of her before you start talking.  Don’t touch her right away and keep your distance – try to think of that Dirty Dancing scene with “this is my dance space, that is your dance space” and make sure you aren’t hovering too soon, that’ll just seem pervy and will probably scare her off.  And above all else, don’t go where you aren’t invited.

TIP…do this instead: The best thing to do is to WAIT for a signal from her to you that it’s okay to approach her.  Don’t just walk up or try to stop her, for example, when she’s texting on her phone, dancing with her friends or walking from point A to point B!  Be sure you have eye contact with her and be sure she wants to meet you first.  One of my friends calls it “eye sex” when she sees a guy across the bar and flirts with smiles and her eyes, hehe.  That is the surest way to know if your approach will be a welcome one or not.  When you look at her, if she looks away immediately and doesn’t come back to you with a gentle smile and batting her eyes within a minute or two that means that she’s not interested.  She just happened to be looking at you at the same time you were looking at her, which is not an invitation for a chat – that was just random eye contact!  And be honest now, how often are you successful when you don’t have an obvious invitation from a woman?  Probably almost never, right?  So why bother?  Don’t do it…wait for the invitation!

NOTE: Following with the above tip…personally, I know more or less which men I have a chance with based on my social status, my looks and my style and lastly my personality.  I am not an idiot and I would never try to approach a man who was way out of my league.  And everyone, male and female, knows what league they play in.  This is 100% common sense!  It sounds rough but do yourself a favour and don’t hit on a woman who is in a different league as you.  You have zero chance with those women — ZERO — so why not hit on someone with whom you DO have a shot?  That’s how I roll and it’s much more fun than being shot down 🙂

Check your attitude: I’m a bit different from my girlfriends in that I like the guy to be a bit cocky, but in a funny and life-of-the-party kind of way (not an asshole).  But amongst my girlfriends there was a unanimous vote that no guy with an arrogant or cocky attitude would have a chance with them.  Trust me, you should listen to them, not me….I am also the woman who purposely avoids dating and shoots down every advance from a man at bars, haha.  Don’t brag about yourself, don’t try to be cool, and beyond that don’t appear too confident that you have a chance to walk away with her number.

TIP…do this instead: Be FUNNY and don’t take yourself too seriously – this will make you come off as tremendously confident and secure to a woman, and not at all arrogant or cocky.  Act like you are “living life without stressing too much” and keep her laughing.  Having a good sense of humour is the #1 item on each of our lists.  If you aren’t normally good at humorous ice breakers then practice with your friends and come up with a few different opening lines that you are comfortable with before you approach a woman next.

My last tip is not negotiable!!  You must smell amazing if you are going to hit on a woman.  Pop a Tic-Tac or a mint if you have any doubts about your breath!  But generally speaking, women love it when the cologne lingers with us after we’ve spoken to an interesting man.  Be sure it’s on your neck, near your ears in case you will be in a loud club and closely talking into a woman’s ear.  Make sure you smell manly and sexy.  Guaranteed that ‘OMG he smelled soooo good’ will be one of the first things she’ll share with her girlfriends after you walk away.

XOXO Angela

© Angela Carson, 2011

I started Angela's Bangalore from my hotel room on the very first day I moved to India in 2011, while struck with jet lag! It was my very first blog, the country's very 1st luxury travel blog. Now I'm rocking YouTube as @WanderwithAngela, hope you'll subscribe.

This article has 30 comments

  1. Tess

    Great writing!! Its funny because it is so hard for a guy to come up and try to chat up a girl in a bar or club, as they usually are on their GNO! So they would have to come out with a cracker of an opening. But I really liked what you said about sending a drink or a bottle over for everyone, as it doesn¨t make anyone feel uncomfortable.
    The scent thing is great too, although it can work both ways, please dont put on too much as it makes me sneeze all bloody night!!! pffffffffff
    I have met and some of my best male friends in bars , some of which have come out with some really cheeky openers which i loved!!!!!! But that wouldn¨t suit everyone. So guys remember if you dont hit it off romantically you could have a long life friend.
    Well done Angela another good piece of writing.
    I just hope some guys take note and us girls start getting bottles sent to us!!! hahahah
    xx

    • angela_carson

      haha I hope they read it and just stop approaching when they aren’t welcome! And maybe the guys that ARE welcome will now know how to woooo us from the first moment 🙂 You were the one who pushed humour first, then the rest of the girls chimed in with humour too but that was your number one things, babes!! Thanks for all your help with the research 🙂 Miss you Tess xoxoo

    • Rhonald Moses

      Damn, feels like preparing for a war :-O

      • angela_carson

        haha, yeah maybe. Being a “class act” takes skill and not every guy has mastered that art form unfortunately 🙁 Hope you’ve got it covered 🙂 –angela

      • Rhonald Moses

        na! am a schemer… I plan, plot and wait 🙂

        Sounds scarry isn’t it? well, the problem with impressing it that you fake more than what you are (if you are looking for couple of times ‘fun’ then it’s fine) which is bound to bite you back at some point of time.

        So, keeping things simple, being spontaneous, not over projecting yourself will do most of the time. Knowing thy strength is a key too. It has worked so far 🙂

        Anyhow, it’s been ages since I’ve done anything such. I’ve almost become a sage (except some odd moments).

    • Prema

      I have the same prob (being allergic and sneezy toward ODs of cologne), so I got my guy a bottle of expensive stuff which he only needs to use a bit of to smell nice. And since it’s quality scent, it lasts all day and all night too! My advice to guys looking to get picked up, would be not to have a cheap, nasty cologne that makes girls sneeze, but to go for something subtle (and find a smell that suits you and your personality!) and something that lasts while you dance, flirt, and gets the girl dancing closer to you because she just simply loves the way you smell.

  2. Suriya

    Women who don’t like some kind of cockyness in a man are boring or rather too traditional(nonsensically). yep, a good cologne is a must and picking up the cues from her Body language and timing your entry into her space is an art! Good one Angela!

    • angela_carson

      haha… well, I can’t say my girls are boring cuz they are anything but … BUT I was the only one who liked them cocky! haha Glad I found a partner in this 🙂 Woo hoo!

  3. Arun

    ha ha ha ha Anjela!!! you should start a fully fledged “How TO….” service in Bengaluru
    Now I know why girls drink more than they should during a GNO…!!!
    I expect the part2 of this article to mention
    1) best of the drinks available and liked by girls in the best of the bars in Bengaluru
    2) the type of cologne that will do the trick and where to buy them from
    3) Dress code….
    …..you writing is zimply zuperb and I enjoy reading them…

    Will will waiting for your experiences at the KPL…have fun lady…
    Ciao

    • angela_carson

      Ahhh Arun, you are back to being nice to me in your comments? haha Great 🙂 Okay, part 2, gotcha. Next one is the Guide To What Men Find Attractive In Women…which you contributed to my research, I believe. KPL, yeah, can’t wait. I have a big meeting with the heads of KSCA and all the owners of the KPL team tomorrow for breakfast at the stadium, fun fun!! –ang

      • Arun

        Phew!! you are already well connected in the 3 months you have been living in Bengaluru. Way to go Anjali (that I guess should be your Indian name !!!). I admire your love for the city though I think it has changed appreciably over the years. It was considered to be a pensioners paradise and with the growth in the IT & services business things changed. You would have gone bonkers had you been here sometime in the late 80s when places like Indiranagar, Domlur, Whitefiled were considered to be way out of the city. But then change is the essence of life and I guess people have adapted themselves to the way the city has changed.
        Reckon you had a good time breaking your fast with the owners of the teams of the KPL and the bigwigs of KSCA. Still have fond memories of my visits to the stadium; first in 1979 (it was my first visit to bangalore from Belgaum where I grew up)and the second time in 1996 when India beat Pakistan in a World cup semi-final match…. (I was working in bangalore then)
        Feels good to know that despite all that the city has gone through; Bengaluru still has something left in it…
        Ciao…Njoi

        • angela_carson

          Yeah, I’ve heard about the changes from friends but I love it when my driver explains things as we navigate through the city so I can see the places. He explained that Bangalore used to be small villages that over time were built up to the point that they connected…hence the lack of infrastructure, grid street systems, etc 🙂
          And I love that you are mixing facebook updates with blog topics! hehe Yes, breakfast was fun and the following meeting was really productive — I was even appointed a position with KPL, so I’m not only working with Bijapur Bulls now 🙂 Fun,fun!
          See you soon…we’re headding to F tonight! — ang

  4. Fazeel Syed

    Nice one….esp the cologne part is sooo true!!!!! Light weight and humorous stuff!!!!! Faz……

  5. Notoriusly Knaughty

    Brilliant……though i am sure you would not want a man who having read your tips trying them….succeding initally and then checking up on his mobile phone for the next step………by the way if i were to add on to your blog in terms of the cologne i would recommend Issey Miyaki………. Once you go Issey you dont go back 😉

    • angela_carson

      Hmmm yes, Issey is good. I wore the femme version for about a year and a half…I kind of miss it. And I woudl LOVE for someone to hit on me using my tips. It beats the guys who are trying now with the cheesey “where you from” line, who are not in my league and interrupt me and my girls on our fun nights out!! Bring on the smooth talking, sexy, charming and funny man who wanted to ask me out. 🙂

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  7. Aleksandr Mamonov

     
    @ Ronald Moses
    Indeed Ronald Moses, it is a war. Did you expect it to be a cakewalk? But don’t worry, it is an art – once you get it perfected, it comes naturally and effortlessly to you.

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  9. Ania

    The worst thing is most of those guys think that you think they’re totally super hot and you just can’t wait for them to come up and say their lines in bad English even when you just look at them once on a way from the bathroom to the bar… You should write a next one on “How to say if the girl is really interested in me”. 🙂 Some of them would follow you even if you say no and walk away!

    • angela_carson

      Hi Anya, thanks for reading and commenting. Is this you: http://www.facebook.com/anyadj If yes, you go girl! I adore female DJs given that it’s such a male dominated profession. Yes, I agree with you 100%. I also find it to be a real problem when guys take a mistaken glance in their direction as a bright green light to come up and make a move on me. Such a waste of everyone’s time…they should really try to hit on someone who ACTUALLY gave them a GO signal. –angela

  10. Rajiv

    Guys…………..Bottom line is (and based on my personal experience) be cool and dont be after any women………….be yourself and they will fall for you.Ofcourse not all, but certainly more than you think.
    But one thing is for sure, dress well and put on a decent cologne generously.
    However @ Angela, w r t Indian men, infact most men from sub-continent are rejected at first sight due to their color (racism) i Live in Dubai and have been to Bangkok, Cyprus, Singapore, Malaysia and many more places and observed this………..

    • angela_carson

      Hi Rajiv, yes I am familiar with the preference for fair skin here. It’s again one of those night and day differences between my way of thinking and the way it is in my new home. Personally, I am so much more attracted to the really dark men here, probably because I am so damn white and “opposites attract” so the really dark or black men seem more exotic to me 🙂 Anyway, I know that darker men are at a disadvantage right out the gate, which is even more reason to learn how to talk to women and which ones to approach 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting, angela

    • Rhonald Moses

      I’ve had similar experience as well. If a persons skin is white and even if everything else ain’t that great, he sure gets some attention, but the dark skinned guys gotta do lots of hard work 🙁

      • aidan

        well i have seen the same .. infact many of this “fly-hi” n posh clubs in the city and there rules apply only to brown guys… a white guy might be dressed in harem pants n chappals but dare anyone call it inappropriate. while i have been denied entry at HRC and fuga for “incorrect shoes” .

        • AngelaCarson

          Nahhhhh, the white guys can’t get into Skyye either if they were sandals or trainers.  I’ve had to go to City Bar TWICE when guys in our group didn’t wear nice shoes (once an Indian and another time a European white guy).  -angela

  11. Shiladitya Majumdar (@Shil_Majumdar)

    Damn! So does this mean all those years of ‘ Let me get the medic cause you fell from heaven’ have gone to waste?

    On a much more serious note, if at all one can get serious, I believe interaction of any kind between the opposite sexes cannot be generalised. I mean kudos to you for coming out with this article highlighting the present trend of socialising however I think people should be more personal in nature rather than drop ‘tactics’ or ‘pickup lines’. Just walk up…say hello..introduce yourself, tell her your passport number, your nationality, your occupation, your designation and your extra co-curricular activities and that should get you started. Not to forget how many babies you want to have when you grow up/ how many you already have.

    If you have been writing the details of the above paragraph, I would vehemently advise against it although one is always free to give it a go.

    In conclusion, the way I see approaching another person is… just start a conversation. If the other person picks up, good. If not, move on!

    • angela_carson

      Hi…thanks for commenting. I still 100% believe that a man should have a green light and clear signal from a woman FIRST before he comes up and tries his luck. The guys who inspired this blog post seem to be playing a numbers game and don’t give a shit if they are disturbing a woman, interrupting her or way out of their league with the woman they are hitting on (and trust me, we all know who is in our league in who is not…I sure do!). Imagine being on the receiving end of it several times a night. You start to feel like a piece of meat or a trophy. BUT i do like your simple approach. Keep it up!! Ange

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