Gentlemen of India, are you tired of striking out time and time again when you approach a woman at a bar or a party? Well, I have a little secret to share with you: women are equally frustrated by being hit on in the most inappropriate ways! Don’t get me wrong, I know that some of you gentlemen absolutely have James Bond style and sex appeal and know how to attract our attention with just a look and a smile. But if that’s not you, if your success rate is less than stellar, if you aren’t a super model, if you hear “no thanks” much more than you see a bright smile light up a woman’s face…then please read on. You might think that it takes gifts for women to notice you (like this list on ThatSweetGift.com) but that will only work on some women!
There are no hard and fast rules to success. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Although the better looking you are the better your chances are – not fair, I know, but it’s the truth and that’s life. So if you aren’t a hottie and don’t have amazing social skills and style, the task of meeting a woman is going to be an uphill climb my friends. Then, if you add on top of that the fact that every woman is different, so you can’t use a standard ‘move’ to attract all women, things are even more complicated.
After some very funny chats and inquiries with my girlfriends – a mix of Indian and expat women – I think I have come up with a solid list of tips and tricks to help you improve your chances of SUCCESSFULLY engaging a lovely lady in something more than a simple 3 second brush off on her part! @Ladies: please feel free to comment and add to the list!
What NOT To Do…and What To Do
Here are the major No-No’s…basically what NOT to do…then follow-up tips of suave moves to try instead!
Never interrupt Girls Night Out: There you are…you see a group of ladies smiling, giggling, toasting, maybe dancing, and genuinely having a great time. There are no men in their group. Not a single one of the ladies has been looking at you or flirting with you from across the room. They are minding their own business. They are out for a GNO – a girls’ night out – a sacred ritual by most women’s standards because today’s woman is busy and it’s hard to coordinate a night out with all the girls together. Guys, this is NOT the time to try to bust a move on a woman unless she has been sending you the MOST OBVIOUS signals and flirting with you first. These women are already having a super time and you really have no chance of interrupting that fun. And to be quite honest, so you understand how we think a bit better, it’s frankly just annoying to women to be hit on when they are having fun with friends because then they have to stop to be polite to you, counting the seconds (hopefully not minutes) until you go and they can get back to their fun and GNO. ((NOTE: if a woman is sending you very clear signals and batting her eyelashes and smiling at you, then you have the green light so get in there! Otherwise, steer clear my friend.))
TIP…do this instead: if you absolutely feel that you must approach a woman out on a GNO who is not sending you any signals and has definitely NOT given you a green light then do something to stand out from the crowd like send a round of drinks or playfully named shots to the entire group first, telling the waiter to point you out to the special woman you want to connect to (“this is from the gentleman at the bar for you and your friends”). That will make her feel special and include the group in a way that ensures that you are pleasantly interrupting them. It’s a costly option but it’s the only way we could think of to make it okay for you to interfere with GNO when you weren’t invited.
Don’t be boring and obvious with your pick-up lines: Never use “So where are you from?” or “What’s your name” or “Can I buy you a drink” to capture a woman’s attention. Women have heard those lines too many times, and they are so generic that you could be using them on any woman, anywhere. What woman is going to feel special hearing one of those boring lines as your pickup line?
TIP…do this instead: Be original and take a woman by surprise by saying something funny, clever and engaging. Each one of my girlfriends unanimously agreed that you will have the best chance for success if you come in with something humorous that either pokes a bit of fun at yourself or something clever about something you’ve observed…and add a twist of intellect. Make the woman feel like you see something beyond her physical appearance and that you are making a special effort because she is special. If you want to pay her a compliment don’t go overboard and don’t make it about how hot she is. Compliment her shoes or some accessory instead because that will show her you were paying attention to more than just her boobs! Above all…make her laugh!!
Don’t go where you’re not wanted or pop up out of the blue in her face: Make sure you aren’t going to scare the hell out of her before you start talking. Don’t touch her right away and keep your distance – try to think of that Dirty Dancing scene with “this is my dance space, that is your dance space” and make sure you aren’t hovering too soon, that’ll just seem pervy and will probably scare her off. And above all else, don’t go where you aren’t invited.
TIP…do this instead: The best thing to do is to WAIT for a signal from her to you that it’s okay to approach her. Don’t just walk up or try to stop her, for example, when she’s texting on her phone, dancing with her friends or walking from point A to point B! Be sure you have eye contact with her and be sure she wants to meet you first. One of my friends calls it “eye sex” when she sees a guy across the bar and flirts with smiles and her eyes, hehe. That is the surest way to know if your approach will be a welcome one or not. When you look at her, if she looks away immediately and doesn’t come back to you with a gentle smile and batting her eyes within a minute or two that means that she’s not interested. She just happened to be looking at you at the same time you were looking at her, which is not an invitation for a chat – that was just random eye contact! And be honest now, how often are you successful when you don’t have an obvious invitation from a woman? Probably almost never, right? So why bother? Don’t do it…wait for the invitation!
NOTE: Following with the above tip…personally, I know more or less which men I have a chance with based on my social status, my looks and my style and lastly my personality. I am not an idiot and I would never try to approach a man who was way out of my league. And everyone, male and female, knows what league they play in. This is 100% common sense! It sounds rough but do yourself a favour and don’t hit on a woman who is in a different league as you. You have zero chance with those women — ZERO — so why not hit on someone with whom you DO have a shot? That’s how I roll and it’s much more fun than being shot down 🙂
Check your attitude: I’m a bit different from my girlfriends in that I like the guy to be a bit cocky, but in a funny and life-of-the-party kind of way (not an asshole). But amongst my girlfriends there was a unanimous vote that no guy with an arrogant or cocky attitude would have a chance with them. Trust me, you should listen to them, not me….I am also the woman who purposely avoids dating and shoots down every advance from a man at bars, haha. Don’t brag about yourself, don’t try to be cool, and beyond that don’t appear too confident that you have a chance to walk away with her number.
TIP…do this instead: Be FUNNY and don’t take yourself too seriously – this will make you come off as tremendously confident and secure to a woman, and not at all arrogant or cocky. Act like you are “living life without stressing too much” and keep her laughing. Having a good sense of humour is the #1 item on each of our lists. If you aren’t normally good at humorous ice breakers then practice with your friends and come up with a few different opening lines that you are comfortable with before you approach a woman next.
My last tip is not negotiable!! You must smell amazing if you are going to hit on a woman. Pop a Tic-Tac or a mint if you have any doubts about your breath! But generally speaking, women love it when the cologne lingers with us after we’ve spoken to an interesting man. Be sure it’s on your neck, near your ears in case you will be in a loud club and closely talking into a woman’s ear. Make sure you smell manly and sexy. Guaranteed that ‘OMG he smelled soooo good’ will be one of the first things she’ll share with her girlfriends after you walk away.
© Angela Carson, 2011