I love men. My three closest friends are men. They are smart, sexy and fun as hell…sweet and loving and always there for me day or night. One is from Germany, another Australia and the third from the U.K., and oddly they all live in London, although I met every single one of them back home in Spain. They are wonderful husbands and boyfriends (when in a relationship). Yet the moment someone hot walks into a room, like most men, their mind is instantaneously – and hopefully only momentarily – filled with a random sampling of naughty thoughts about the hottie in front of them. These thoughts generally have nothing to do with her shoes, her handbag or imagining what she does for a living. My guess is something much more carnal pops up in their heads like “nice ass” “damn, look at those boobs” or something very close along those lines.
What do guys find attractive? Is it as simple as a hot body and a pretty face? Or do they actually look for something beyond the physical? Okay, that question is way too broad and the research would have brought back way too much data to process. So I decided to simplify my task and focus purely on instant physical attraction. I asked a group of friends in India, Europe and the U.S., along with some of the male readers of my Bangalore blog, for their honest opinion to this question: When out at a bar, what is it that most attracts you to a woman? That puts the question in a context we can all relate to and there is no margin for misunderstanding (it’s not meeting woman at a dinner with friends, a family gathering or surfing through ads on a dating site – this is at a bar!). The answers I received back seemed pretty damn honest. There was only one guy who came back with something so sweet I didn’t believe him and challenged the answer but he “hand on heart” swears that his answer is real.
You’ll have to trust me when I say that I don’t have any illusions that men are instantly attracted to the heart and soul of a woman. Partly because I’m no longer an innocent young girl and believe in fairy tales. But honestly it’s mostly because I’m not instantly attracted to what’s on the inside either. That’s virtually impossible for anyone to do (male or female) until you speak to someone and – in the hysterical words of my Indian girlfriend ‘C’ – sort out whether or not they’re a douche. I would have said it more like “find out whether they are a great guy or not” but everyone is different and I liked the way ‘C’ phrased it!
Women are no different to men. We spot a guy at a bar and instantly decide if he is physically “our type” or not just like men do. When we’re not sure, we’ll ask for a second opinion from friends. It’s the man’s physical features as well as what he’s wearing and the way he’s acting that influence our attraction. But at the beginning, it has nothing to do with his heart, soul or character. Now, that doesn’t mean that a woman can’t change her mind after she starts talking to a guy she wasn’t initially attracted to when she realizes he is an amazing person. That changes the game and I think women are much better than men at finding the beauty within reflected in a man’s eyes, making him the most attractive man in the world to us. Even when other people can’t see it.
So what is it that catches a man’s eye? What is going to captivate him and leave a man spell-bound from across a crowded room? Here are my favourite responses. They are diverse and fantastic…just like men!
- “I’m attracted to how a girl carries herself. She needs to be charming, confident and elegant.”
- “Good boobs, nice shoes, long legs, and a nice smile.”
- “It’s usually the ghost of a smile and a twinkle in the eye that promises interesting times. Of course…the basics have to be there too 1) Personable physical appearance. Not super model looks but basic attractiveness and a presentable packaging. This isn’t conscious, just instinctive. 2) A pleasant outlook. I hate sullen pouty people, no matter how sexy they might be. 3) If they’re in company… A nice group. If she’s hanging out with a bunch of weirdo’s or drama queens…she probably belong.
- “The woman has to be reasonably attractive at least (until I put on my beer goggles) to approach her.”
- “She needs to be well presented, skimpy outfits are a turn off and loud make up is a big NO – NO! She needs to demonstrate 5 S’s: sexiness, sensuality, sophistication, smartness and smiling (at least happy).”
- “Women who hold a gaze for at least 4-5 seconds confidently are the sure-to-go-approach kind.”
- “It’s mostly the shape of a gal from behind (her ass).”
- “The first thing that catches my attention is the hair and eyes. And of course looks matter the most, but it’s the personality that seals the deal.”
- “It’s the smile, Angela…that’s all that matters…”
Here is my blunt analysis from what I learned:
- If a woman is stunning and society’s view of attractive, she will have no problem with men queuing to approach her. Attracting men is definitely easiest for a beautiful woman. But that’s only enough to feed instant attraction, and men definitely want more than just nice packaging.
- Men want a woman to be radiant…whether it’s her smile or the sparkle in her eyes, this seems really high up on their list. Generally speaking, by being happy, smiling and simply by enjoying oneself a woman will shine – so ladies, be sure to check any attitude at the door and have fun while you are out. This also shows confidence and maturity, and that is certainly sexy at any age.
- The guys I surveyed liked classy, sensual women. They want a woman’s style to leave something to the imagination. They don’t want to see our bodies completely on display, so a hint of sex appeal is better than a – BAM – in your face ensembles that take away all the guess-work.
Men want the nice boobs and ass, of course they do! But they also look for something more to generate that spark of instant attraction. Just like women do!
© Angela Carson, 2011