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Reflections from a White Woman on Dating An Indian Man

If you are a regular reader of my blog I’m sure you will be happy to learn that in January – after about 18 months – I finally met a SINGLE smart, handsome Indian power guy (ahhhh the best kind!) who I basically fell head-over-heels coo coo for ‘at first sight’ and we started dating.  He felt the same way and for a few weeks we dated, spending every possible moment together getting to know each other.  In the end, I don’t know what will happen with us and if we have a future because we live very far away from each other – but two interesting things happened while dating an Indian man for the second time since moving to Bangalore that have really made me stop and think … or in one case GASP!

First, it was great to realise that not all Indian men are afraid to be with a white, divorced women for fear of what their parents will say.  Obviously I haven’t dated much in India, two men isn’t enough to make a truly convincing case on the subject, so my experience level is low.  But I hear time and time again from dear friends who really do LIKE me as a person and care about me something along the lines of “Indian men want to take a foreigner out for a drive but they will drive home an Indian woman to marry.”  So that mixed with my first experience dating an Indian man who told me straight-up from the start that we “have no future” because of the pressure from his family and the media due to his profession … well, it was a nice change of pace to be with someone who told me he had no issue with that at all.

All this time I sort of thought that if I were younger, or maybe if I’d never been married, or if I didn’t have my lovely daughter in her last year of high school that maybe I could have a relationship with an Indian man.  The white women in their 20s and early 30s who I know don’t seem to have any problem.  But it just turns out that I haven’t met the right Indian man for ME yet.  Feelin’ pretty good about that realisation I’ve gotta say because I do love this country and I sort of thought there was no relationship hope for me if I stayed.

The second thing that happened really took me by surprise.  I am used to being stared at simply because I look different and stand out here in India.  I never take it negatively because everyone takes a peek just out of curiosity.  From cute groups of nuns-in-training power walking around Richards Park in their sweet pink sarees, to little girls who wave as they pass by me, to uni students or power women and, of course, most Indian men who spot me.  Normally it never bothers me at all but this time it did.

I was sat next to my ‘power guy’ on the same side of the table – instead of across from each other – at the quaint and lovely North-West Indian restaurant Samarkhand, enjoying some wine and their damn tasty lamb chops.  A large table of 10 guests across the room stood up and one by one started making their way for the door when the ‘mom’ spotted us sitting close to each other and chatting.  I noticed her stop so I looked up, and she turned to her daughter and said something along the lines of “ohhh, look at him trying out a gori’ loud enough for us to hear across the room.  Then she proceeded to point, bring in what looked like her sister into the gossip-fest … they pointed, laughed.  She stared with a look of disgust at me and continued to gossip to each family member as they filed by, pointing and judging us.

What the hell?

I had a pashmina around me, no skin was showing except from around the collar bone up to my neck and I looked ‘nice’ and moderately conservative so it wasn’t my attire.  She was judging us because I wasn’t born in the same country she was without knowing a thing about me.  It really is the first time in India that I’ve experienced this and it sort of shocked me to be honest.  After a spell, I stared hard right back, waved to them (though I had considered flipping her the bird, I did decide to take a classier approach to the situation).  That sort of broke it up and they continued out the door.

The incident didn’t ruin more than another 30 seconds of our night and then we went back to having fun – because at the end of the day she’s the one who had a problem, not us.  My guess is that she feels compelled to try and place others below her to make herself feel better about herself or the life that she’s living.  Or maybe she’s just racist.  I suppose that is a possibility as well. But it is hard for me to understand because I truly – from the bottom of my heart – feel that everyone is equal and no one race or nation or group is superior to another.  Sure, some nations might be techier or more advanced with equal rights for women, human rights or have men that believe that half of the household chores belong to them too {insert smile here}.  But I don’t understand why two people – no matter where they are from – can’t fall in love.  And why the colour of their skin or where they were born should be any concern to anyone else but themselves.

Passing judgement on people without knowing a thing about them is a terrible pastime.  I suppose we all size people up by the look of them – judging a book by its cover so to speak.  But taking it any further like that woman did is just awful.  That side of dating an Indian man is something I won’t relish experiencing ever again and I’m fairly certain that it would be a rather frequent reality.

All things said and done, even though I have no idea what our future holds, I don’t regret a moment of it and I love the way I feel … both about him and the general aura of being a woman in love.  Indian men are handsome (I love that dark chocolate coloured skin!) sweet and warm and caring … and in my experience, complete and absolute gentlemen. 

XOXO Angela

© 2013  Angela Carson.  All rights reserved.  Do not reproduce any part of this article without the author’s permission.

I started Angela's Bangalore from my hotel room on the very first day I moved to India in 2011, while struck with jet lag! It was my very first blog, the country's very 1st luxury travel blog. Now I'm rocking YouTube as @ExpatAngela, hope you'll subscribe.

This article has 126 comments

  1. Venu N

    Your not alone 🙂 Happens vice versa too….Indian man dating a white girl ( when in US ).

    • AngelaCarson

      Really?  But not in Los Angeles or NY or Miami or any other liberal state right?  Has to be just the conservative states??

      • sam

        White people live in a bubble that everything is great and there is no racism in most or all parts of USA.
        Sadly this illusion, persisted and still persists as media is not ready to report from “other” view point.

        Only with blogs, regular people have unfiltered and have a chance to be heard..

        You will be shocked at the current reality..
        ofcourse most white people do not want to believe and think that non-whites are making these up or trying to extract some money..

      • Varun

        Sam kind of got right to the point here. For an Indian man dating in LA or NY or Miami can be even harder, not just because of frowning upon it, but because most white women in the United States are biased against dating Indian, M.E. or Asian men.

        • MelanieMelanie

          Varun

          Your comment is a huge generalization and completely untrue unless of course you know MOST of the white women in the USA?

        • Christel

          I’ve never been against dating someone different than myself culturally/nationally. In fact, I’m single because I seek someone like me but different. Oh, well. To the gym I go, and the local India Bazaar grocery store. Who knows. Irving, Texas, too.

          • Ajay

            Haha I met my girl friend who’s white (I’m Indian) in Austin, Texas and I do remember her friend who was from Irving, Texas who was with her at that time. She was really happy for both of us too.

          • Sasank

            From an Indian guy whose been in a relationship with a white girl, honestly Indian guys out there, if you feel discriminated, or consciously avoided, most of the time it is because of your personal qualities or attractiveness. Lets be real, is your personality welcoming and interesting? Are you well dressed and well groomed like other American men? Do you work out like most other American men? It is a level playing field, you have to oust your competition. For example, Bollywood actor Rithvik Roshan could get any girl he wanted, regardless of race or anything like that. The problem is that a large portion of us Indians are raised with school first, social life later mindset. As a result you have these 25 year old Indian men that have less interesting personalities, less masculine attractiveness than their caucasian counterparts who have been developing their social skills from the ages of puberty. To Indian Guys who feel incapable of chasing women you feel you are unsuitable for, stop secluding yourself within boundaries, and do some introspection. Don’t blame society for what you have failed to do. Work on yourself and you’ll see success.

      • shavano

        It definitely goes both ways and sideways. I have been dating an Indian man, I’m white, and we live in a very liberal area of the US, we are both educated professionals. My family still asks me “what is it with you and the brown guys” and warns me about how eastern culture devalues women. He is ever confronted by his friends with “why are you breaking the rules by dating a white woman” and asked if he’s ready to settle with an Indian wife. Both perspectives are presumptuous and disrespectful IMO, but they are often aired, and usually with a protective intent, and mostly people turn them into good-natured jibes or jokes. These reactions were based SOLELY on appearance and nationality…if only they knew there were more to the story (age, kids, divorce), we’d have an all out nuclear war to deal with!

        It also takes a certain amount of getting over yourself and your own expectations. It’s a lot of work to acknowledge and address your own cultural baggage and at some point you ask yourself, is it really worth it? In our case, we have always been honest about the challenges: we enjoy each others’ company, the future is yet undetermined, and it works for us for now. If we come out of this as nothing more than good friends it will have been worth the experience.

        • sahitha

          Thank you Sasank for speaking the truth. I am an Indian woman and have preferred to date white men when living in UK precisely for the reasons you have mentioned. I hope more Indians would realise this and improve their social skills without automatically assuming that just because they are men they can reach to any woman they want without first having to work on themselves.

      • Mileska Rodriguez

        You’d be surprised. I live in DC and I’ve notified desi, in particular women, staring at me and my then Indian boyfriend. I understood why but it still made me angry.

      • Tarun Jaiswal

        Angela,Its not just you who are curious about Indian men or keen to form a opinion about them.I have seen a lot of American women’s showing interest in Indian men.Though what the future holds for such relationships,has a big question mark.
        I will tell u a bit about my experience with not a typical “American Gori” but with a African American girl.It was four years back she hails from North Carolina and was pursuing her graduation from University of Virginia.I think we felt that special chemistry b/w us on our very 1st meeting through Skype.She showed keen interest in me as a person and was smitten by the charm of “Sharooq Khan”Her idea of India and Indian men is what she has learn through Yash Chopra’s Bollywood movies.Soon the romance was in air,from bollywood movies to hollywood,to indian authors,to indian cuisines,to places in india.we almost shared every bit of each other’s culture and aspirations.The tete a tete lasted for almost for two years.We started dreaming about having a future.I spoke to her dad also on various occasions.Though the turning point of the relationship was “religion”.She is a Catholic Christian and I am a Hindu and she was adamant of me adopting her religion.though we tried to overcome this issue but its keep coming up.I think it was the turning point.Soon she joined Department of Justice and snapped all ties with me.
        Long Distance Relationships hardly founds a future.Though u are in India and u have Indianized yourself a lot.Source:-Loved ur pic in saree!I hope ur dating and meeting turns out into a beautful Relationship and u will be able to find ur Dream Indian Man.All The Best!

        • AngelaCarson

          Thanks for your kind words and for taking the time to be so open and share your experience.  It’s always fun to play voyeur and read about someone else for a change 🙂  And… I’m moving to Australia in August 2014 so I am on a very strict ‘no dating’ rule now so I have no complications to my plans 🙂  No Indian romance in my future, just a nice year ahead with friends which is going to be wonderful – angela

    • Indian

      I agree most people judge the book by its cover. But let’s face it, not everyone has patience to read the entire book, though it is about relationships and more importantly if they don’t have to read it. I respect all cultures and there is positive in every culture that can be gained by dating or marrying people from other culture. However, this needs a lot of patience and understand from each other, which unfortunately has low statistics in this dynamic world. I am an Indian who dated American and still love her though she left me because of cultural misunderstanding. No regrets, no complains, just love 🙂

      • Ajay

        I know that if a white woman gives me a chance and holds my hand, she will NEVER leave me guaranteed. Why? I just know it.

        • Indian

          Ajay, I am not sure if you dated one or plan to date one. Good luck!

          • Ajay

            I never dated one, but intend to. I told you about the ignorance around here and it makes the job more challenging. They make statements like I am not 100% Canadian and when I counter question them, they fade away.

        • gigi

          I wish I could find a man like u

    • Ruthann

      I am a white girl dating an Indian man in NY and believe me it is not easy at all. I have been with my boyfriend for a little less than a year and he has not told his parents about me yet and he told me that she will try to sabotage our relationship if I meet her.

  2. Rhonald Moses

    Hello there… It’s not just White women having problem dating Indian men. In my personal life, I am dating a woman from the next state – Kerala. You should hear the stories that floats around her relatives (thankfully, most of my close relatives are just fine with it).

    So, it’s just a major part of India thinks that way :-p but not all 😀 (see, there is hope).

    Do not let these things break relationships unless the guy is very much tied to them and can’t take a stand…

    Adios

    • Rhonald Moses

      btw what “Venu” says happened to me 3 years back when I was with a white girl here in Dubai. Her father told me ‘why don’t you outsource guys stick to your own’.

      So, as I said; it’s everywhere, but just that it’s common in India 🙂

      You will find someone wonderful, I believe so 🙂

      • AngelaCarson

        Let’s see … my Mom always says “when it’s supposed to happen it will” so I just carry on being happy knowing that some day I may – or may not – settle down again 🙂

    • AngelaCarson

      Hey RM, nice to hear from you… I hope your ‘inter-state’ relationship carries on down a wonderful path! Thanks for chiming in 🙂 -A

  3. Rakhee Ghelani

    Angela, I am so happy to hear that you have been meeting the right Indian men, and that they do exist. Feel free to send some up to Mumbai for me.

    Racism and “classism” is also rife here, and I am sorry to hear you were subjected to it, but you definitely showed far more class than the woman who no doubts thinks she is “better” than many.

    • AngelaCarson

      Hey there, I really enjoyed that first Sri Lanka blog you launched last week (not caught up on rest yet sadly) – sounded like so much fun! And will send them up as I find them for ya 😉 xo

    • Ajay

      I wanted to say that there are 5 guys to one woman here, so anyone who speaks of personality and being cool is full of crap.Also, I reiterate that the woman here are ignorant, so don’t ever say that I am needy ok.

  4. sandesh

    life is not easy , but i will pray that you meet that special someone :), so cheer up and enjoy your glass of the finest red wine

    • AngelaCarson

      I always love reading that someone will pray for me, I find that so touching.  Thanks 🙂  And wine… yes, I am meeting a girlfriend at 8pm to do just that 🙂  happy buzz, here I come! -angela

  5. sandesh

    ur welcome and cheers 🙂

  6. Keifh Coelho

    Good story but I thought the ending would have been happier for ya!. It will be in the mean time you are a happy person so that the hell live and let live!.

    • AngelaCarson

      Nooooo it is a happy ending in many ways.  I haven’t felt “love” or felt loved in so long it reminded me of what I was missing and for that it was a true blessing.  It was fun to open up and trust and let someone pass through my normally hard exterior 🙂  I haven’t had a boyfriend in so long I was really sort of a nightmare and acted like a drama queen whenever I was scared or in doubt or felt unsure about things so I ruined it to be honest but I still feel very loved up even today and I’m happier from it all 🙂  Anyway, thanks Keith … chat soon!  Hugs

  7. Keifh Coelho

    There was a typo in my earlier comment.
    ‘I meant what the hell live and Let live!”

  8. sam

    She was jealous, she could not be the woman sitting next to this power guy .Most of them have henpecked boring husbands at home .Most Indian woman are not racist, but yearn to the that fair lovely blonde . Many other reasons but who cares 🙂

    • AngelaCarson

      hahah maybe … but more because the power guy is also smokin’ hot, I’m sure that didn’t help 🙂

      • sahitha

        Part of it is also the general attitude of women and men towards women and the West in this society. I can say this because the other day I heard a relative of mine take a dig at the West and women in particular, saying that well! they think they are still young even when they are in their thirties. The reason she blurted this out was we were watching TV and caught glimpses of women in cute little skirts. I thought they were cute but she had to offload her negativity. According to her, she did the right thing by getting married at 20 and having children while I am 34 and refusing to settle down as of yet.

        Deep down I do think she wants to be like me (I am very liberal and independent) but she did not have the chance to do so because of societal constraints. So she gets over it by taking digs at me and the west sometimes. She kind of makes western women as “immoral” for dating and herself “moral” by this society’s standards. If she truly accepts what is, maybe her house of cards comes tumbling down.

        So I suspect that’s what the woman in the restaurant hurled your way too. All we can do is bless their small minds even though it can hurt at times.

  9. shashank

    the best part of ur blog..u write them exactly as u felt them..i could imagine the whole restaurant scene happening in my head..either that or i must be HIGH!! but worth reading fosho

  10. Margarita

    I fell in love with Indian men on my first trip to Indian. In US I am surrounded by them and never once even took a second look until after coming back to the US. It is really hard (for me) not to go gaga after them. My first experience was on Diwali. I was dressed in Sari and on an open terrace in office. One of my colleagues was very, very good looking, as most Indian men I have had the pleasure of knowing are. He was also dressed up. We were watching the fireworks all over the city when he started to sing. Such a lovely voice, fireworks….ahhhh it was magical. Nothing ever came of that except that moment, but that was all it took for me. Since then I have had several Indian loves! I even married one!!! I did also experience this same racist behavior and evil looks there while I was in Indian. The majority of my friends are men and excuse me if I am friendly! The only thing I could really compare it to is how some black women in the US (many of which are friends of mine) would get so upset that their black brother was dating a white woman.

    I am happy to say that my inlaws are thrilled with our relationship. Some of the villagers may not be so much, but that is only perhaps because it becomes reality for them that this lone villager came to America and became successful and if he had married one of their daughters they would also be successful. Not really sure. Glad you got to experience the dating scene in India and also glad you are not letting this one situation deter you.

    xoxo.

    • AngelaCarson

      The fireworks story is sweet, one moment that stays with you is sweet.  I’m sure you’re spot on with the reason why some people aren’t thrilled to see a successful Indian man with someone other than an Indian woman but it just seems so closed minded to me as a liberal gal who has lived in 4 countries now.  Best of luck with your marriage and kudos on winning over the in-laws!  -ange

  11. Alvin George

    Lady, beware of who you date in the future… You should have by now known the Indian men better than any wine that is served in your glass… These so called caring men grow up in an environment/society where a divorcee or a widow, be it American or Indian is not welcomed with open hands/hearts into their homes as a family member… when such is the scenario, I don’t see the reason for dating a divorcee in the first place and then turning her down giving excuses that seem to be genuine as per their convenience… All you need to understand is that these men just want to have fun and you have to be smart enough and show them their place. Such men are not worthy of you or any woman for that matter simply for the fact that they have no respect for women.
    Its not the color that matters, it takes a real man and true love above all to beat every obstacle and accept you the way your are…
    And for the Indian woman who ruined your evening would have had her own reasons for doing so… not that she would have known you as a divorcee with a kid or not even because you are a foreigner, but maybe simply because she knew the guy on date with you… possible
    Well, if your quest for finding the RIGHT MAN continues, I wish you good luck…
    Cheers!!!

    • AngelaCarson

      “it takes a real man and true love above all to beat every obstacle and accept you the way your are…”  … I love that!  Thanks for taking the time to comment and for your concern. -A

  12. rishav

    i feel you deserve it!!! i have been one of d 1st feel who has known you…not closely nd not even professionally but i knew tht u have come to India… May god bless ya, i keep reading ur stuff nd u rock 🙂

  13. sreekanth

    I hope you dont meet such people who pass such unacceptable comments . That was totally uncalled for .

    Good luck on your quest.

    And your closing comments on Indian men certainly is generous:)

  14. DsylexicHippo

    As an Indian married to a white woman for a decade, I could certainly relate to your story. I have gotten quizzical/funny looks from white/black/latino folks a couple times in the past but I wouldn’t categorize them as offensive or demeaning in any way. In any case, that too is quite rare – most such people are cool with it and don’t care. We are from the liberal eastern seaboard part of the country. I am sure our experience would have been much more delightful down in the enlightened south.

    However, all bets are off when we are among Indian/Asian crowd especially so when most are strangers/unacquainted to us. We’ve been the brunt of the same exact kind of judgmental looks and comments. Not one of them has the cojones to say that to our face, of course. BTW, this is here in the good ol’ USA. My wife is mostly oblivious to all that or does not seem to care all that much but it sure does sour my mood to the extent of avoiding such small-minded, nasty, negative-vibes emitting groups in public.

    You are too kind. I would have flipped the bird.

  15. Alvin

    Am glad you like my comment… as said earlier, its not the coco color or shit color that matters… not even if he is a power pack or a loose pack, its simple, true and pure love apart from being groomed by the right “Mother” that defines a real gentle man… am using “Mother” here cause these guys are greatly influenced by their mothers & claim to go to any extent for her… 🙂
    In my suggestion, your chances of being in a positive relationship is too less in a country like India and given a condition as yours, its next to impossible… so, next time be doubly sure if its worth waste your time on such characters…

    • Aleish

      It is true, I am at this moment dumped by a man who like me because his family doesn’t like him to marry someone from other caste so much more from other country. It feels so sad that you will be judged automatically without even them knowing you as a person but just because of your race. I admire the respect they gave to their moms and what the rest of their relatives has to say but its just sad its so rare a man has successfully stand up and speak what his heart beats for when it comes to love. All marriages always have been either a bloody start or a man completely disown by his family. There is no amount of pain I can describe losing my Indian love but it has come to a conclusion that I do not matter much than what his mother or family has to say and now he has to end up in an arranged marriage. My situation is even less complex and I also have conservative values like they do but still it has not validate anything to make them consider me to be a part of their family. Its a complete no, we do not want to talk about her and you should have an Indian wife.

  16. Alexandra Madhavan

    Hi Angela,
    Interesting post…unfortunately this is the norm 🙁 But it is actually worse in US/Canada than it is in India itself. I am married to a Hyderabadi, been together happily for 7 years, and have outlasted everyone’s negative comments.
    It sucks because it is rude, ignorant and racist. People who have small minds can’t imagine functioning in an intercultural relationship because they care too much what other people think.
    Don’t give it any attention. You can’t control other people’s reactions. Just laugh it off, and it’ll make them madder! 🙂

    http://madh-mama.blogspot.ca/

    • Christel

      This is SO true.

      When I was young, I grew up in a small town where the larger portion of the local population couldn’t see outside the five square miles of town. Talk about small. As for my perception, I was kind of stuck there and had unnecessary fears of the new and unknown. Some fears were of people of cultures I had never been in the presence of before. It was a long process.

      Now, I am still learning and constantly studying a new language and culture, including Telegu and Hindi. I speak several languages. I also live in a diverse metropolitan area with large exposure to many cultures. I enjoy this experience exceedingly and often.

      Funnily, I try to encourage the expansion of others’ “small worlds” when opportunities present themselves. For example, one of my sisters cannot stand hearing spanish spoken. I’m teaching her kids spanish and hindi. (Shh!)

      So much a difference and freedom in getting out of a small frame of mind and aspect. It really does often start with fear of unknown.

      Loving all these responses and this blog.

  17. Bibi

    Awwwww……
    I was thinking of Snow White in “Sleeping Beauty” singing “Some day my prince will come!!!” while I read this..Remember that?

    Dear Angela,
    As a fellow white American divorcee, (whom is even older than you) & who met her ‘smoking’ hot Indian power guy’ in freaking Nepal (of all places)- my advice to you is …. TRAVEL!!!
    Yep, you never know where you’ll find him!
    And I guarantee, he’s out there somewhere!!!

  18. yogi

    angela u r a fine woman,so just don’t worry about dating thing ,u will meet the right guy soon ,is not necessary for him to be an indian, 🙂

  19. Akshay

    Glad you are having fun!

    I think a lot of people have mentioned it here, but Indian guys in the west actually have it a lot worse than your situation. Not only is there the occasional social ostracism, but most western white women are incredibly racist against Indian men. I feel for your situation, but I’ve been through far worse. Just imagine most of the opposite sex considering you smelly, dirty and undesirable.

    Good luck! If you are kind, family oriented and open minded you will find the right guy.

    • AngelaCarson

      OMG that’s awful and really hard for me to understand that kind of racism but i know it exists (none of my friends are racists or anti-gay so I don’t see it in my life).  Ignorant people are everywhere indeed!  Thanks for taking the time to comment and your sweet message. -A

      • Akshay

        HI Angela,

        I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but most of your American female friends won’t say this stuff publicly. I have noticed in America, people who are racist against Indians, Arabs or whatever hide behind smiles. In India people will openly say how they feel. Both are bad, but honestly I prefer the Indian way!

  20. Melanie

    Hey Angela

    Good for you for putting yourself out there.

    And all I can say about the old lady in the restaurant is, just feel sorry for her. Imagine how terrible a life she must be having if it makes her feel good to pass judgement on other people?

    Lastly, I am hopeful there are at least 2 more great Indian (power guys) out there for us and will keep my eyes open for us both!

  21. Rajiv

    Hi Angela,

    I am just amazed by your experiences in Bangalore. I am your favorite fan and have posted in different incarnations in your delectably seductive blog. I am your ardent admirer. Of course… dating, particularly inter-ethnic dating in India as a “white woman” or a “foreign woman” can be traumatic! I am speaking from experience having taken my ex-wife and current girlfriend to India , both white westerners. I live in California.

    Oh, that wicked witch of a judgemental older Indian woman? My attitude with those kinds of people is as follows; Hey lady, you are from “old India” and you’ll soon fade away! As far as her daughter is concerned, maybe she’ll surprise her overly protective, bigoted mummy with a “black man” ( taboo in India !) one of those dashing Carribbean players in the IPL ( Shocker!) or a even a “lower caste” man, worse ( by Indian standards). Indian moms can be asphyxiatingly suffocating like Jewish moms, “Oy Vai, where did I go wrong ?”

    Living here in the US , I have dated the rainbow coalition , mostly white women ( was married to a white american woman) but also women of other colors. Currently, I am engaged to a white american woman again took her to India and being a pale-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman either got treated in extremes , either like a celebrity unlike the boring Indian guy next to her (moi!) or experienced similar scenarios where Indian women (mostly stuffy , ossified, older, aunty types) were shocked that I would be engaged to in their minds, “Hint;stereotype a loose , white woman” !!! My girlfriend ironically is a socially conservative, meditating, yoga type more into Hinduism than me and more into India than me even though she is a westerner! Somehow, that did not register in their ossified minds who perceived me to be a “fool” to be engaged to a white woman ! Oh well!

    India is as prejudiced as any other country and is based on ignorance, lack of exposure and the older generation especially those who experienced British India can be prejudiced towards whites ! I am sorry you had to experience this awful scenario but hopefully, your experiences have been wonderful!

    Maybe, you’ll meet the right Indian cappucino/chocolate colored Indian man one day if not California is filled with Indian guys !

    I told my american girlfriend that I have a cyber-crush on you ! Hahah!

    Cheers,
    Your ardent fan in California

    • AngelaCarson

      Ahhhhh, that was the funniest, sweetest comment I’ve received in a while, thanks so much for taking the time to write it.  Made my morning 🙂  And I love the reference to “living in old India” mentality.  It is just exactly that, isn’t it?  Well, and as far as my Indian man, I’m still holding onto the idea of the guy I wrote about.  Can’t get him out of my head…  Hugs to you and your girlfriend xo

      • Rajiv

        Hi Angela,

        Thanks for your sweet reply. I am glad you appreciated my wacky humor especially about wacky, bigoted, narrow-minded, gossipy, washed out Indian auntie types !

        When I got my divorce from my american ex-wife, I realized quickly that I am stuck with dating western women. My reasons:

        1) Indians look down on divorcees, male or female. Of course, its worse for women.

        2) A divorced Indian woman would rather find a never married Indian guy because of the cultural pressure but most of the time of because of Indian sexism and mysogyny is doomed !.

        3) A No-No for me, Cultural baggage ! When a progressive, liberal, educated, post-modern, Europeanized Indian man like me attempts to date an Indian woman, divorced or never married, he is inevitably dragged into primitive, medieval, 19th century, maybe even 18th century Indian cultural baggage. Groan, a No-No-No for me!

        4) Dating divorced or never married western women was therefore a no-brainer for me. Not even one of the several western ( many american) women I have dated ever considered me to be a lesser human for being divorced. Like-wise , their divorced status , with or without kids was immaterial to me.

        5) The divorce rate among educated Indians here in the US and in big cities in India is rising exponentially as Indian women get to be more educated and independent. Most of my Indian male friends, divorced from their Indian wives have inevitably hitched up ( married) with american or other western women and likewise with divorced Indian women (albeit to a lesser extent).

        Reason? Once you are divorced, you are free of the primitive, medieval 18th/19th century Indian cultural baggage and can date without restrictions with people of “your” choice !

        Not that it is any of my business, but since I have this “cyber-crush” on you, brainy beauty ( wink!), your chances of finding a “stellar” Indian man, a “power guy” in India or better yet in america would be considerably enhanced if you meet a “divorced” Indian man, with or without kids who are free of 18th/19th century Indian cultural baggage!

        Bingo! He’ll perceive you to be delightfully post-modern than Indian women and you would find his divorced status to be a form of westernization, ie, not an issue especially if he lives in the west and free of Indian cultural baggage.

        It is almost impossible to meet at the far end of the west or the far end of the east but you meet at the cross-roads. The sunsets are better at the cross-roads.

        Ironically, my current american gf, my fiancee finds me more desirable that I am divorced, have the life experiences and I find her to be more desirable that she too has a similar past, albeit she is a bit younger.

        Plus the fact that she is madly in love with Indian culture more so than I am into Indian culture allows us to meet at the East-West cross-roads where the sunsets are better!

        I like my wine, beer, European art, European films and elegant European meals. She likes her version of Indian culture, Indian art, Indian music and an Indian guy to share it with to boot!!

        So, that is the “magic formula” that worked for me, hopefully you find these tips about “divorced India” useful especially coming from an Indian guy who is engaged to one of your kind !

        So, I look forward to reading and absorbing your intellectual and cultural depth and of course, your dazzling , enchanting beauty!

        I have always found Vanilla and Cappuccino mix (my skin color) to be tastier than just plain vanilla or just plain Cappuccino !

        I am pretty sure in California, you’d be snapped up by any number of cultured, educated, respectable westernized, post-modern Indian guys especially divorced Indian guys, the kind, I described above!

        Mmmmm, my Vanilla flavored Capuccino is perfect this morning!

        Sincerely,
        Indian guy in California
        and a Cyber-Kiss across the fiber-optic waves!

        • Rajiv

          A humorous analogy.

          In 1972 , this hilarious French comedy about a tall blonde french detective was an incredibly successful film,

          “Le Grand Blond avec une Chaussure Noire”

          or

          in English

          “The tall blonde man with one black shoe”,

          an Yves Robert film.

          Better than any of Inspector Clouseau’s quixotic adventures !

          The remake of this hilarious French film would be

          “La belle femme blonde avec une tasse de cappuccino délicieux séduisante chocolat dans Bangalore exotique”

          or in English

          “The gorgeous tall blonde woman with a seductively delicious cup of chocolate cappuccino in exotic Bangalore”

          Yummmmm! Wink!

          Now am I charming or what ?

        • AngelaCarson

          Holy cow, you need to start a blog hahaha Daaaang that was long.  Fun to read.  And thanks for the advice but I am so not bothered about where the men are or if they are Indian or divorced 🙂  Since I am not on the hunt for a relationship, I just don’t worry about that. -angela

      • ashutosh

        Indians are by nature very free and i personally don’t believe in all this but still being an Indian i would say the only reason some cross race/ cultural relationships fail is because Indians love their parents more then anyone else. They brought us to this beautiful world and that’s what matters.And why parents don’t approve is because it is believed that women is controller of house and first teacher to child all good habits understanding between right and wrong has to be given by women.Women are believed to be goddess of house who brings luck, knowledge, etc etc
        but it is also true that many early settlers in west were the ones who married white women today their generations are every where.

  22. Tanmay Prabhudesai

    Hey Angela , I came across your blog today and fond it very Interesting . It’s always fun too look at yourself from the eyes of others (in this case India from the eyes of an non Indian ) it gives me an insight on what I can do personally to make it more easy and more comfortable for my guests for different lands 🙂 anyways as regards to this post .. I agree with you,but would also like to point out the older generations in India are totally messed up(I mean I wouldn’t have a problem if my son tomorrow dated white/black/brown/yellow/pink/purple or any coloured girl ) but that’s a thing of the future,so for now we gotta deal with the older generations,sigh. Its not just about dating white girls,they would have issues even if the guy is dating an Indian girl who spoke a different language. You should read this book called two states by Chetan bhagat..it’s the story of a South Indian girl whose boyfriend is North Indian. But yeah one more thing ,not everyone is like that, my sister has an American boyfriend and will be marrying him next month.most of my relatives are cool about it. So you just wait for that one guy who will be willing to fight for you against this generation which believes in what society will say rather than true love 🙂 best of luck, my wishes are with you 🙂

  23. nitin

    The woman who gave u a long hard stare was one of those indian woman/girls who can`t accept that there can be someone more gorgeous,civilized and classy than them.She was just jealous and envious of you.So chill and have fun…;)

  24. ReallyMommyReally

    Please let me add my two cents here… I am a white American woman who is married to a gorgeous Indian man who was born in India. We are both professionals. We have a lovely young son. Also, he is a few years younger than I am. We couldn’t be happier! It was a bit difficult for his parents at first but they are wonderful people who now love and accept me and our marriage. Yes, Indian women do stare at me when we go out. I have just gotten used to this as a cultural thing. Also, because I am different- blonde hair, blue eyes, and very fair skin. My Desi man is sexy, smart, loving, and a wonderful husband and father who does his fare share of child rearing and housekeeping. What could be better?

    • ReallyMommyReally

      “Fair” instead of “fare”, darn i-phone.

  25. Anandaroop Datta

    good luck to you……bdw i am also an indian man with my white european wife trying to stay in Mumbai against the stares and camera glares.

  26. Ham

    Hamraj is my name, my mother is forcing me to marry a Indian girl, I want to marry a white woman. I love the radiance of white women, it invigorating! 🙂

  27. Nikki

    I came across your blog as I am a white woman in Texas who has dated multiple Indian men. Whilst one was Catholic (I am too) he told me that his mother would not approve because I was not Indian. My current boyfriend is Hindu and we have not had this conversation yet, but it scares me. I like him very much and don’t want this to happen again. Perhaps I should start dating back within my own ethnicity so this hurt does not keep happening?

    • AngelaCarson

      Uffff, that’s rough.  I don’t know how you were raised by my parents taught me that everyone is equal and that colour and religion don’t matter — what matters is the person inside.  I understand Indian mentality now after 2 1/2 years but I would never tell my daughter that she couldn’t be happy because the man she loved was different.  Best of luck to you!

    • Bob

      No, each family is different. Have the conversation and see how he and his family react.

      By the way it all changes around the first kid, I have seen that 7 or more times where they all had issues (both white/indian) sides and then the kid shows up and they are suddenly embracing both cultures.

  28. Ajay Canada

    I wanted to make a comment. Firstly, white woman are pretty, but ignorant and reserved here for the most. They tend to prefer their own clan. Ask me. I tried with 30 woman and either they had bf’s or stated that we are strangers or we don’t know each other as excuses. Aren’t we all strangers? By the way I have the best personality, well groomed and have an excellent figure and wheatish face. It just redneck here. You will see 5% of interracial relationships. You decide if that’s a lot. It has to do with attitudes, stereotypes like mamma won’t allow or we will marry our own or just plain racism. If I were in other parts of Canada, maybe it’s more open. I’ve been here all my life, am educated, go to gym, play co-ed beach volleyball and dance. So in my case what Ajay (Texas) said does not apply. I am into blondes with blue eyes preferably, as other races don’t attract me, but love all races as a society.

  29. Ganesh

    I really loved reading your post and I have so much to comment on your review on dating indian men but I want to keep it short. I have lived all my life in Bangalore and now I am doing my undergraduate degree in UC Irvine, Orange county, California. I really feel the ‘mature’ white girls are not racist at all and love dating and being in relationship with Indian men. It is very unique and rare in white girl to have a taste for Indian men. However, these women who love Indian men are generally in top 5% of the white population. They are not only good looking but well educated and highly attired women. The another thing I also wanted to say that indian women are generally very conservative, sometimes in good ways and also bad ways . The woman who laughed at you is probably not even literate. So, there is nothing to worry at all, you will find these people every day in life and is also disappointing that experiencing this event in really top class restaurant like samarkhand, is very unlikely and should not happened. However, there a thousands of people in bangalore who have all the money to buy designer wear bags and not even able to pronounce the brand correctly. I really dont like to talk about it. Sometimes, I even believe that I might get married to a white girl in the United States ( my dad’s biggest fear lol ) because I am only 18 years now and as I come from a affluent business family back in bangalore, my parents highly prefer Indian women. However, they will surely accept a blonde girl as there daughter in law, if I feel she is the one for me. I am pretty sure that if my child is ready to marry ethnically different person, I will agree on it . I hope you find a amazing husband. Another suggestion, try to impress the guy’s parents. If you make Indian parents fall in love with you, the marriage is literally done .

    • AngelaCarson

      Your comment made giggle, thanks for that!  I will probably never see that particular Indian man again but I will always cherish that time and the experiences I had with him around Bangalore.  Do come back and comment again if you start dating your dream blonde, I’d love to hear about it.  By the way, I went to UCI for about a year, lived in Newport Beach on 39th Street at that time…had a white Jeep Wrangler and used to roller blade on the boardwalk every night.  I have very happy memories from that time.  Try to buy a fake ID so you can go party while you’re there 🙂  Cheers! Angela

       

      • Ajay Canada

        Angela,

        I lived in El Segundo for 1 yr and had a business in Dwtn L.A on 7th and Grand. I have been to Newport Beach, Huntington Beach and Irvine, loved the place. I have not been to Bangalore since 94, but reside in Mumbai when I go to India.

        • Ajay

          Angela,

          The best part about me is I can date or marry a white girl and there are no restrictions. How easy can it get.

  30. Garima

    well i am an Indian girl attracted to white men since the time i remember i live in India which makes it next to impossible for me to find the potential white men who like indian women 🙂 ..i am 26 yrs old and was once in a relationship with a blonde german oh it was the best time of my life .my parents they are forcing me to get married ..i m kinda scared and worried:(

  31. saphirablue

    Hey Angela glad I’ve found your blog, Im a 31 years old woman with a big crush on a indian men, we been talking for one year and I feel blessed to have know him, we are trying to get together, but it seems it’s hard for him to find job in the country I live, hope things work out for us, family is not a problem, work is 🙁 hope also, that you are blessed with love and happiness. Rock on 🙂

  32. Bob

    You may be missing some of the context of this , as someone of indian ancestry born and raised in the US, let me tell you that this incident had absolutely 0% to do with you personally.

    You are forgetting that generation that was talking bad about you, came from being on the cusp of being disrespected, raped, and otherwise mistreated by the british. There were whole streets in Calcutta where indians were not allowed and a lot of that anger and hatred carries forward.

    It has nothing to do with you, it is more like they don’t have any way to talk back to the actual people who did those things so they go after the first incarnation they can access.

    Nothing new about that, in the US we routinely get asked the same stupid and equivalent dumb questions whenever something bad in Pakistan, the middle east, or any non-white country occurs. I have personally been insulted for things like “Why don’t I go back to Iran” , or “… died in Iraq and was that my fault”… and dozens of more of those things attributing things that other non-whites did.

    You look like a wonderful person, enjoy your time. The divorce and kid thing also has nothing to do with you, if you were Indian and the same thing you would have the same issues, and it is not that you are divorced it is that they believe you have a pattern for leaving your husband so you will repeat.

  33. Glenn

    Hello,
    Great to hear about your experiences with Indian men and wish you the best. I’m of indian origin and have lived in America for 20 years. My wife is white American and we’ve been married for 10 years. I love my wife dearly and we have a wonderful relationship. I have dated women of other races in the past. Generally, I’ve not encountered at racism in America although I’ve met some indian men who complain about not being able to date white woman. A lot of it has to do with their attitudes and lack of understanding and integrating with life in America. Like many traditional indian men, they base their understanding of American on movies or books rather than real life or approach American women like they were Indian and come across as pushy and domineering here. I mention this in response to some of the posts citing racism in America. I don’t think it is racism. If they were to approach an American woman on the same cultural playing field as an American man, since they are in America, it would work.

    • Ajay

      I think it’s not approach, but woman’s attitudes that need to change here in Canada. I am not dominant or pushy and just ask to go for coffee and they refuse outright. I have lived here all my life, so no excuses that I am Indian etc….I don’t have an accent too and am good looking(wheatish skin). I play sports and am not intimidated by any white guy or girl, so integration is not an issue. Yes it is racism here period. I told you it has just started to change, but you hardly see mixed couples here. If you go on dating sites, 80% of the girls preference is White/ Caucasian. The remaining 20% is Black, Pacific islander(whatever that is) and Latino/Hispanic. NEVER East Indian or Asian. Words speak more don’t they. I rest my case.

    • Ajay

      I think it’s not approach, but woman’s attitudes that need to change here in Canada. I am not dominant or pushy and just ask to go for coffee and they refuse outright. I have lived here all my life, so no excuses that I am Indian etc….I don’t have an accent too and am good looking(wheatish skin). I play sports and am not intimidated by any white guy or girl, so integration is not an issue. Yes it is racism here period. I told you it has just started to change, but you hardly see mixed couples here. If you go on dating sites, 80% of the girls preference is White/ Caucasian. The remaining 20% is Black, Pacific islander(whatever that is) and Latino/Hispanic. NEVER East India or Asian. Words speak more don’t they. I rest my case.

  34. vicktor

    I think its better to marry in the same culture you brought up because it adds less complication to relationship. I am not saying not to date anyone beyond your culture if you knew you can handle it with dignity and trust. My parents came from India but i grew up in Asia pacific in an eastern European neighbor hood community. Infact you can say i grew up with them their culture their tradition makes me feel home. And the ladies i dated are all from Eastern European none from India . Because i knew there is big difference in culture and i may not able to handle stress that comes with it. I married my Romanian sweet heart and we have 6 year old daughter from this marriage. If you ask me if we had problem sure like every couple but never had cultural problem coz i understood her culture very well. If you are uncertain of different culture then its better you stick to your own. It saves your time from divorce

    • Ajay

      I am not interested or in touch with people from my culture, so it non applicable.

      • vicktor

        Well good luck with that. You will find love when you least expect it. And to date someone of different culture you have to understand their culture. No one would date a guy or girl who is complete alien to their culture and why would they. I am telling you from my personal experience. I dated Eastern Europeans because as i mentioned before that’s been my culture since childhood of course i do know about Indian culture and women i dated we grew up together. Looks don’t define relationship its commitment and love that defines it. Best Wishes from New Zealand

        • Ajay

          Well said, but I reiterate I have been here all my life, it’s not like I got off the airplane yesterday.

  35. EHSAN CHY

    Ok nothing about culture race and religion I think .it depends on that person who u r dating to. I am a Bengali man and I have good white friends I been living in UK for not so long but I manged everything when I am around my white friends no one will say I didn’t born in uk and I am around my Indian friends I’m like proper Indian .you need to understand what u r in and what others like and dislikes .know their sense of humour and respect it.

  36. Ross

    I’m a single and a professional Asian guy that lives here in NYC .
    I have a few Indian friends or colleagues and somehow the authors’ story is true as what I had observed and heard from my Indian friends.
    As I said earlier,I’m Asian but not of Indian descent. I prefer to date white girls since there’s something about Asian women that I just don’t understand. Maybe growing up in Texas has to do with this?

  37. Ross

    Don’t make it a goal to date one just to experience what’s it’s like to be with a white woman. Any woman could detect that and it’s not good. It’s shows you’re not sincere towards her.
    Try to be cool,be yourself. Work on personal growth first. Try to be her friend first and don’t make it too obvious. Dress nicely,workout.
    Maybe,I’m a “rare” Asian? :-). I’m very tall and muscular and naturally tanned and a Pacific islander.
    Do not put yourself down and think”no one likes me” because that is one of the assets that women find ugly. Do not complain about it in front of her rather talk something else like how you talk to your friends. Make her comfortable around you,take her to dates that involved many activities like visiting museums,walk around in the city,show her what your made off. Dating that involved many activities will show her that you’re exciting and it creates bond. Take her to an art or pottery class,be spontaneous. Do not bring her to a movie.
    You might not notice it but women can easily size you up,be mysterious,show that you’re interested on her,asks questions and be a good listener.

    • Ajay

      I am not sure if you are referring to me. How can I be creepy and controlling. Desperate, maybe cause I have been looking for the past 1 year. You would be too, if you had no luck.Where do you live. What is a pacific Islander.

    • Ajay

      Ross, another point I wanted to make is if you came here, you would be dry too. You know Why? Because you are not Caucasian. It does not matter how you look physically, this is how it is.

      • Ross

        I may not be caucasian but I’m dating left and right. You have a serious issues with your self esteem and confidence ,women can detect that. I have good advice for you,watch that movie “hitch” by Will Smith. Your issues is a major turn off to women and women in general will just leave you high and dry without explanations because they don’t want to hurt your feelings if they’ll say it. Be confident,act natural,be yourself and pretend that you don’t care about them if you get turned down and move on.

        • Ajay

          No Ross, this place is like that. I have issues maybe, but even you would be a turnoff to woman. Other places are more open than here, trust me. Very redneck.

        • Ajay

          You have not told me where you live. I do not have issues with my confidence, but on the contrary woman are stuck up here. I will watch hitch the move when I have time. Last weekend, I went up to an Asian girl and just introduced myself(I am not into Asian girls) and her body language was get lost.

          • Ross Bot

            Im from NYC.

          • Ajay

            Ross, I have been to NYC and it is contrary to where I live. I can get a girl much easier in NYC or Los Angeles than in Edmonton anytime. It is very diversified and people are more open minded accepting than say Iowa. It has nothing to do with self esteem or confidence, but the opposite sexes attitude. There are a lot of stuck up people because there are guys that make big bucks here, plus it is very much a white majority population. You can get a girl here, but not one of your dreams.

          • Ross Bot

            Maybe , you come on too strong and sare them away. like I said,just relax,be cool and talk to them like theyre youre long time friends. Being too aggressive isnt good. Most women like to take their time,slow and steady and see how it goes. You presented yourself as aggressive which equals desperations. When you talk to them dont make it like an interview and be funny,tell jokes.test the waters where shes comfortable at.Be smart but not to a point of shooting her down,listen to her.dont make your eyes wander or look at other women when youre on a date. look at her straight in the eyes very often when you have a conversation. Man,I could charge you for being a coach lol.

        • Indian

          I agree

          • Ross Bot

            Ajay,
            your comment regarding about too many guys making big bucks here in Edmonton just shows that you lack confidence. Dont get intimidated. thats plain wrong. Like I said,women likes their men with strong self esteem/confidence.
            Stop having self pity and go out with tons of women at the same time but with proper scheduling otherwise they will accuse you of cheating even though women are doing the same thing-its about mate selection process.
            Anyhow,my current gf is Canadian from Saskatoon.

          • Ajay

            Ross, I am not getting intimidated. You are not accepting the facts. I spoke to a good looking white dude about this and he agreed with me. They are Gold diggers and searching sugar daddy’s too. I honestly was shocked that even he is going through what I am. I have decided to give up here and look elsewhere, no use wasting time and effort. How did you meet the girl from Saskatoon, I’ve never been there?

          • Ajay

            I went to a party today, had a conversation with a girl. Then 10 min later I wanted to speak to her again, it seemed she backed off. I was not creepy, but just wanted to feel wanted a bit. This has nothing to do with self esteem/confidence. I reiterate it’s their attitude that sucks. I actually went to the bar and started crying, I was so hurt. I could not believe these white girls are heartless. I don’t know why they celebrate Valentines Day, when their hearts are so hollow. I have a big heart, so I conclude I am not interested in any white girl here anymore. Actually any girl anymore. They now will have to invest in me and pay for my dinners, if they want me. I will no longer approach them. I am tired of playing games and shit like that.

          • AngelaCarson

            Hey Ajay, I haven’t commented here for a while cuz you boys were having fun 🙂  But just wanted to share that I think the behaviour you mention here isn’t about white women but just girls or women in general.  Indian girls and women are generally more cold than us white girls from what I’ve seen the past couple of years.  I know you don’t know me but I think I am VERY kind to people, I’m polite and nice to servers and restaurants and shop attendants (MUCH more than Indian ladies I can say with 100% assurance).  However, I wonder if you would call me a game player, cold hearted and a bitch 🙁  When I’m out with friends at a party or an event or a bar, I HATE IT when guys come up to me and try to chat.  I may be nice for a bit but that’s it.  I cherish the time I have out with friends and don’t want some random guy chatting me up just cuz I’m white and look nice to them.  In fact, when I was introduced to Chris Gayle at a private party I stayed for only 3 minutes chatting to him and then I went back to my mate who I had abandoned.  I’m sure that doesn’t happen to Chris often but I just want you to see that it’s not about YOU.  Most women don’t want any guy to ‘be friendly’ when they are out with friends.  At least, that is how I feel, and that is my experience >> the most I give is a nod of my head and a ‘hey’ and then I turn back to my friends (or keep walking to the loo or buying my drink at the bar or whatever the guy interrupted me doing 🙂 — Angela

          • Ajay

            Angela,Thank you for your response.I wanted to say that I cannot comment on Indian woman because I am out of touch with them for the past 10 yrs.As for white woman in Alberta, they are COLD, I cannot comment on other places and yourself, as that would be poor judgement. e.g Victoria, B.C has a woman-man ratio of 75/25.Don’t you think a woman would be less stuck up there to a man, regardless of his looks, race etc? For sure, they will take what’s in stock, as long as he is a nice person. Why do you not like it when a man chat;s with you?What if I, the best man on the planet like you and want to date you and instead you give me no attention.Don’t you think it’s good to meet NEW people and learn from them?Don’t you think it’s an opportunity lost? How should a nice good looking guy meet a beautiful girl? I’ve been told if one finds attraction, he should communicate through body language or in a subtle way.I have high morals and values and don’t believe in being rude to a woman or to sleep with them,unless it’s mutual.You can see my profile on FB under Ajay Kotecha.

          • AngelaCarson

            I don’t know what to tell you, I hate it when guys try to chat me up when I’m out.  I’ve only made an exception a few times at a bar in India, twice it was for an IPL player so I guess I have a pattern, haha.  None of my friends like being approached by men while out either.  But if you are going to doo it I did write an article on it some time back when I was writing for a lifestyle site, here it is, maybe this will help 🙂  http://wp.me/p2Im1v-c8

    • Indian

      I agree targeting someone to date for the sake of experience is not the correct approach. Focus should be on knowing your priorities and working on goals. I also think dating should go in the direction of long-term relationship and preferably marriage. Dating starts as fun, but if you are not sure what you want out of a dating, then it can hurt you, person you are dating, and it may take a while to come out of it, may be months, years. So act as if you mean it :).

  38. Ross

    This comment isn’t attractive at all. It’s sounds you’re desperate,controlling and a little but creepy. Not good man.

    • Ajau

      Ross,

      I know why you get woman, but don’t know where.Firstly, the woman-men population in Eastern U.S.A and Canada is much greater than here.Every nice looking woman here has a bf, unless she plays totally hard to get, which is 1 in a million. So what I state has nothing to do with needy or confidence, but as I mentioned attitude.You can teach me your tricks, but ignorance will not change here.

  39. Ross Bot

    Ajay,
    I think you came in too “needy”. Like I said before,act cool,be flamboyant around women. Talk to all of them,let that particular person notice you that you have a flair and traits of an “alpha male”.
    You mentioned you wanted to be “needed”. seriously? Dude,be subtle. Be mysterious,play with her mind but definitely not mind games. Women are stimulated mentally,they get attracted to you. Dont give all your shit at once,let her discover you as youre going to discover her.When you talk to her , make it short yet interesting conversation and move to another person, act like youre in control,you got your shit together,act like a player,act with confidence yet not cocky. The first thing you got to do is make her attracted to. Touch her hand,shoulder or the small of the back when talking but do it if its in a right circumstances. Dont be too pushy,listen to her,asks questions but never ask about what she does for a living. Test the waters and figure it out what she likes to talk about. Never ask if she has a BF. Just have a converstation like youre talking to your old friend. Second,make her comfortable around you,make her safe around you. Women can detect the slightest creepy personality coming from a person and they will stay away and its called gut feeling. Try to observe guys who are succesful to women and try to copy them. Ajay,dont show your weak side yet.Wait till youre in a relationship with a woman then you can share that or youre in touch with your feminine side and they like it but for now,BE AN ALPHA MALE.

    • Ajay

      Thanks Ross.This is too much work and I am not interested.I am straight and natural.Just don’t want to approach any woman no more.I have had my heart broken too many times.I always wanted a commitment and be loved from a white woman, but now that seems like a dream that will not happen.

  40. Sudhir

    One lucky couple for sure, I think whr thr is a will thr is a way.
    Life isn’t that easy, but it ain’t any difficult either.
    All I know is about the distance is that it can be worked on.
    Missing someone is an act by brain to keep remembering them .

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